I will praise thee; for I am fearfully and wonderfully made

There is a beautiful Tulip Magnolia tree in our front yard, tucked right between a Crate Myrtle and a Dog Wood. One of the first trees to bloom announcing spring time, with blossoms in heavenly pink. We had a tree like this at our first home that I have always loved and thus I was thrilled to find out that here at our new home we have one as well. This very tree was chosen as the resting place for our Jamie.

My Father in Law is a great wood craftsman, and he built us a small casket for Jamie. As a rather last minute decision, I decided to decorate the inside in happy colors. I poured all my love into it and to do this for my Little One was a great beginning on my way to find some closure.

For the lid I decided to go with Psalm 139:13-14

"13 For thou hast possessed my reins: thou hast covered me in my mother's womb.

14 I will praise thee; for I am fearfully and wonderfully made: marvellous are thy works; and that my soul knoweth right well."

I can't put my finger on why I chose this one, but it just felt right. Maybe it was because I read it shortly after we miscarried and it brought such comfort to me. Whatever the reason, I know God was guiding me through this.

My parents in law were with us through the whole week - from building the casket on short notice, to delivering it to our house in the rain on the due date, to returning to our home twice until the rain stopped enough for us to bury the Little One, bringing lunches, hugging us, and holding our hands in prayer through our small and personal service. My wonderful husband sang Mark Bishops "I got here as fast as I could" for us.

It was an emotionally long week, but we needed it to find closure. As strange as it may seem to someone looking in from the outside, I feel at peace with it and am glad we followed through and fought to take the remains of our Jamie home. Burials are not for the dead, they are for the living to find closure. I am very grateful to each and every person who went through this with us - from the day we found out until now and even maybe beyond today. We are very blessed with so many wonderful people in our lives - be it near or far away.

Drum Roll Please...

There is no hiding it any longer; My pants are getting uncomfortably tight, as a matter of fact, I nowadays prefer to wear my wonderful husband's sweat pants instead of my own clothes. My middle section is slowly but surely expanding while the rest of me stays it's happy skinny self.

Yes, we are expecting another addition to our little family. We are so excited about it, while at the same time I still fear another  miscarriage. But God doesn't make mistakes and I take refuge in His will for us.

We are “only” 13 weeks along but there is no denying that I'm showing already. If I have cravings, you ask? Not too long ago it was green Olives. But then I got sick after eating them one night and can't stand to look at them since. Now it's pickled mushrooms (I know, right?), Sweet Baby Carrots (what!?!) and Chocolate. Pregnant or not pregnant, who doesn't like chocolate. But normally I have a little bit more self restraint when it comes to that evil food.

From what I can tell Baby E has not yet fully grasped that the life as she knows it, is about to end. I have told her she can't jump on Mama any more because Mama has a Baby in her belly now. At that she pointed to my belly said “Baby! Oh oh!” She's only a sweet 2 ¼.   

Jesus Loves Me...

".... This I know.

For the Bible tells me so.

Little ones to Him belong,

They are weak and He is strong." 

I have been humming this little song all evening long. While I straighten the house for the week to come.
While I pack my daughter's bag for her Day Mother.
While I nurse her.

My sweet little Baby - so tiny and yet so big already.
She will be eight months this week. It is hard to believe how fast time has been flying by.

Precious time.

She has started crawling now. And since Friday, she's been pulling herself up on everything possible.

Her little body must be hurting - I can see the exhaustion in her beautiful eyes, but she doesn't want to sleep just yet.

She wants to explore the house with her new found mobility.

Wants to find every cable in the house and bite it.

Wants to look and feel new textures.

I nurse her to sleep, she's so tired she barely finishes eating.
My heart is full of love for this little human being. Truly a blessing from the Lord.
I gently touch her hair, trying not to wake her up, while taking in that baby smell.

My pretty little daughter. Daddy and I are so proud of you.
We Love you.

God loves you.

What I wore

One day to work last week.

My grandmother made the top and undershirt.

I love it.

And I sent her a picture, so she can see how it looks.

I always include a picture of her great-grand daughter. 

And as I'm typing this post our E is climbing all over me. 

She has discovered how to pull herself up.

But that's a different post :)

I love her.

Seek His Will

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart;

    do not depend on your own understanding.

Seek his will in all you do,

    and he will show you which path to take."

Proverbs 3:5-6 (NLT)

These are the words I wanted to read this morning, before the day caught up with me.

A Saturday. 

How can it catch up with me, I wonder? 

But it did. 

It was one of those days where I got overwhelmed very quickly, wondering if I'm a good wife to my husband, if I'm a good Mama to our daughter. Am I a good manager of my time - between work and household, laundry and dinners? And once the thoughts start going, they keep on coming. 

Like the snowball effect. In August.

I wanted to read this passage this morning to keep my mind focused on GOD. Our GOD. Because in the end it wasn't as bad as I picture it to be. I'm a servant of GOD and with Him, I know I can do it.