I will praise thee; for I am fearfully and wonderfully made

There is a beautiful Tulip Magnolia tree in our front yard, tucked right between a Crate Myrtle and a Dog Wood. One of the first trees to bloom announcing spring time, with blossoms in heavenly pink. We had a tree like this at our first home that I have always loved and thus I was thrilled to find out that here at our new home we have one as well. This very tree was chosen as the resting place for our Jamie.

My Father in Law is a great wood craftsman, and he built us a small casket for Jamie. As a rather last minute decision, I decided to decorate the inside in happy colors. I poured all my love into it and to do this for my Little One was a great beginning on my way to find some closure.

For the lid I decided to go with Psalm 139:13-14

"13 For thou hast possessed my reins: thou hast covered me in my mother's womb.
14 I will praise thee; for I am fearfully and wonderfully made: marvellous are thy works; and that my soul knoweth right well."

I can't put my finger on why I chose this one, but it just felt right. Maybe it was because I read it shortly after we miscarried and it brought such comfort to me. Whatever the reason, I know God was guiding me through this.

My parents in law were with us through the whole week - from building the casket on short notice, to delivering it to our house in the rain on the due date, to returning to our home twice until the rain stopped enough for us to bury the Little One, bringing lunches, hugging us, and holding our hands in prayer through our small and personal service. My wonderful husband sang Mark Bishops "I got here as fast as I could" for us.

It was an emotionally long week, but we needed it to find closure. As strange as it may seem to someone looking in from the outside, I feel at peace with it and am glad we followed through and fought to take the remains of our Jamie home. Burials are not for the dead, they are for the living to find closure. I am very grateful to each and every person who went through this with us - from the day we found out until now and even maybe beyond today. We are very blessed with so many wonderful people in our lives - be it near or far away.


Drum Roll Please...

There is no hiding it any longer; My pants are getting uncomfortably tight, as a matter of fact, I nowadays prefer to wear my wonderful husband's sweat pants instead of my own clothes. My middle section is slowly but surely expanding while the rest of me stays it's happy skinny self.

Yes, we are expecting another addition to our little family. We are so excited about it, while at the same time I still fear another  miscarriage. But God doesn't make mistakes and I take refuge in His will for us.

We are “only” 13 weeks along but there is no denying that I'm showing already. If I have cravings, you ask? Not too long ago it was green Olives. But then I got sick after eating them one night and can't stand to look at them since. Now it's pickled mushrooms (I know, right?), Sweet Baby Carrots (what!?!) and Chocolate. Pregnant or not pregnant, who doesn't like chocolate. But normally I have a little bit more self restraint when it comes to that evil food.

From what I can tell Baby E has not yet fully grasped that the life as she knows it, is about to end. I have told her she can't jump on Mama any more because Mama has a Baby in her belly now. At that she pointed to my belly said “Baby! Oh oh!” She's only a sweet 2 ¼.